Tips for Men

Shaving 9-1-1

These are real (by which we mean totally fake) transcripts of shaving emergency calls. Warning: This might get graphic. Shaver discretion is advised.

DISPATCHER: What’s your shaving emergency?
CALLER: I need to shave …
DISPATCHER: I’m with you so far.
CALLER: But the thing is, I have dry skin.
DISPATCHER: Sir, we’re going to get through this.
CALLER: [voice cracks] We are?
DISPATCHER: First, prep your skin with a shaving gel made for dry skin. Do not, I repeat do not, use soap. Gel is gentler. And here’s the key: Spread the gel on your skin, then let it sit for two minutes before you start shaving.
CALLER: I think I can do that.
DISPATCHER: I believe in you.

***

DISPATCHER: Good morning, sir. What’s your shaving emergency?
CALLER: It’s … ingrown hairs.
DISPATCHER: Itchy. Uncomfortable. Gross.
CALLER: I know. But how is that helpful?
DISPATCHER: I’ll ask the questions here. OK, here’s what you’re going to do.
CALLER: I’m listening.
DISPATCHER: Exfoliate with a loofah or exfoliating gel. Do this once or twice a week to make your skin softer and release ingrown hairs.
CALLER: That actually sounds nice.
DISPATCHER: It is. Then, when you shave, the razor will glide effortlessly and the results will last longer.
CALLER: Thank you!
DISPATCHER: Just doing my job, sir.

***

DISPATCHER: What’s your emergency?
CALLER: It’s my son!
DISPATCHER: What exactly is the nature of the problem?
CALLER: He’s a teenager!
DISPATCHER: Whew boy.
CALLER: Yeah. And I think it’s time for him to start shaving. He’s going through [whispers] puberty.
DISPATCHER: Yup, that happens. You can handle this. Here are a few things to remember for that big first shave: Have him wash his face beforehand, use warm water and shaving gel, shave in the direction of the hair, and moisturize after. Oh, and get that boy a brand-new BIC® Razor!

woman with microphone headset